April 26, 2016

Dear Grandchildren:

Wow another exciting announcement in our family. Jon gave Alanna an engagement ring this past month and they’re planning a 2017 wedding. Plus, we are growing with three baby boys this summer along with two great weddings. How exciting this is for our family.

Since we are being blessed with so many new marriages, I decided to write about marriage relationships.

When a man and woman marry, they share high expectations of each other. Each agrees to forsake all others; thus, giving each other exclusive right to meet these intimate needs.

I have said for years that it’s all about making and following through with your commitment to one another. Today I’m adding another important element to the equation of having a happy and successful relationship till death due us part. I want to emphasize happy and successful.

Happy and successful marriages require skill–skill for caring for the one you promised to cherish throughout life. Good intentions are not enough!

The husband and wife who commit to meet each other’s needs will lay a foundation for lifelong happiness in a marriage that is deeper and more satisfying than they ever dreamed possible.

One way to do this is to continue to do the things that brought you together. In other words, never stop courting one another after you say I do. It’s no secret that it’s easy to get busy with family, vocation, and other priorities and forget about investing in each other.

Doing the same things might mean talking, caring, and listening to one another like you did when you were selling yourself to the other person. It may mean hugging, holding hands, taking walks together, and saying I love you in different ways. You see, it never grows old especially for the woman. A woman’s need for affection is one of her deepest emotional needs.

I’ll use myself as a perfect example regarding my relationship with Grandma. She doesn’t want me to love her because we have been married over fifty-three years. No, she wants me to desire her as though she is the most important person in my life. It may take some focus and skill to understand how I can better serve and relate to her needs. It may not hurt to read up on the differences between men and women and ways to be a better husband.

I‘ll use golf as a perfect example, even though golf gives me very little in return compared to my relationship with Grandma. It’s nothing to spend free time learning how to put that little white ball in the hole with fewer strokes and trying to improve my golfing skill for the pleasure of trying to beat someone else.

I believe Grandma would appreciate me, learning how I can serve her more effectively, spending some of my time with her, and having the desire to make her number one in my life. When Grandma read this part, she just smiled and said that’s ok with me.

I heard a good example about how a campfire needs someone to focus on keeping the fire burning hot or it will burn out. Our marriage relationships need the same attention from each other to keep the relationship burning hot. Taking each other for granted is an enemy to any relationship.

Dr. Willard Harley Jr., who writes books on marriage, shares how to be irresistible to each other.

The irresistible man: He tells her he cares for her with words, cards, flowers, gifts and common courtesies. He hugs and kisses her many times during the day. He sets time everyday to talk about events in their lives. He tells her everything about himself and leaves nothing out that might surprise her later. He assumes the responsibility to provide for his family and encourages his wife to be all she can be. He commits sufficient time and energy to the moral and educational development of the children.

The irresistible woman: His wife meets this need by becoming a terrific sexual partner. She becomes his favorite recreational companion and he associates her with his most enjoyable moments of relaxation. She keeps herself physically fit and wears her hair, makeup, and clothes in a way that he finds attractive. She offers him a home that offers him a refuge from the stresses of life. She understands and appreciates him more than anyone else. She is proud of him, not out of duty, but from a profound respect for the man she has come to know better than anyone else.

Wow! I just love his ideas. Let me say it again! Successful marriages are intentional and require skill to understand how we can serve each other better. 

Congratulations to Jon and Alanna! And let’s have two wonderful weddings this summer.

Until next month,

Love Grandpa