May 26, 2021
Dear Grandchildren:
Getting to the “heart” of behavior! The scriptures teach that the “heart” is the control center of life. A person’s life is a reflection of his heart. Proverb 4:23 states it like this, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”
As new parents, don’t get sidetracked with behavior alone, but realize in your discipline, you need to address issues of the heart. The problem is, your children’s needs are more profound than their behavior. Remember, your children’s behavior doesn’t just spring forth uncaused. The behavior-the things they say and do-reflects their heart. If you really want to help them, you must be concerned with the attitudes of their heart that drive their behavior.
As a new parent, or I should say, when I was a new parent, I made so many mistakes, giving our children more punishment than discipline. But when I received Jesus as my savior at twenty-eight years old, my entire worldview changed. I was confronted by the scriptures and the love of Jesus to do more than just punish my children. I started reading godly books about godly parenting because parenting as a new Christian was all new to me.
That’s when I discovered the difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment what it is-punishment for bad behavior. Discipline has its eye on helping the child have a better future by helping them correct their behavior.
The difference is taking the time to explain why your child’s behavior was naughty. Challenge them to admit that their behavior was wrong. Whether you spank or not, isn’t the question. It’s taking time to share with them about their behavior. For example, you might say, “Would you like Daddy to hit Mommy like you hit your brother?”
Positive discipline helps the child understand over time they have to respect your authority. You must help them with questions that will expose that attitude of the heart that caused wrong behavior. How did their heart stray to produce this behavior?
Many times your children get into trouble over inappropriate behavior against their siblings. The children are playing and a fight breaks out over a particular toy. Both children are displaying a hardness of heart towards the other. Both are being selfish. Both children are saying, ”I don’t care about you or your happiness.” “I’m only concerned about myself.” “I want this toy! My happiness depends on possessing it. I will have it and be happy regardless of what that means to you.”
As we have said, the heart is the wellspring of life. Therefore, parenting is concerned with the attitude of the heart. You must learn to work from the behavior you see, back to the heart, exposing heart issues for your children. In short, you must learn to engage them, not just reprove them.
In my previous example of your children fighting over a toy, part of your discipline is helping them come together to say, “I’m sorry for my behavior.” It’s another step, but it’s very important in reaching the attitude of the heart. Then praying with them together is showing them we all live under God who created us. As we do this, we learn how to speak to the heart of your child.
In closing, watching our grandchildren deal with their children has blessed us because you’re all doing a wonderful job. We couldn’t be more proud of the parenting job you’re all doing.
Love you,
Grandpa