Dear Grandchildren:

Let’s talk about Communication, well specifically, the skill of listening and of course, talking. 

Okay, I will admit right away that I have a hearing deficiency and that’s why I have hearing aids. But, over the years I also have a listening deficiency that I’m trying to overcome. You see, I enjoy hearing myself talk so I need to concentrate on the skill of being a better listener.

Someone once said, We hear only half of what is said to us, understand only half of that, believe only half of that, and remember only half of that. 

David H. Olson, author of Building Healthy Marriages, said when couples who had divorced were asked what was their number one problem; they said that the biggest reason was poor communication.

There’s a big difference between hearing a message and truly listening, which gives honor and respect to the one giving the message. I call it active listening, which requires maintaining eye contact, watching the person’s body language, asking for clarification, and listening for the unspoken message. In that last point, I know I’ve missed opportunities with Grandma because I didn’t stay focused. Guess who loses? We both do!

Another way people fail to listen carefully is to be too concerned with being interesting themselves rather than being interested in the person they’re listening to. It’s too easy for some to show off their expertise or intelligence with their words, comments, or humor.

The best way to establish rapport with people is to truly be interested in them and to listen with the intention of learning about them. When the person feels that you’re really interested in getting to know them and their feelings, they’ll more likely to open up and share their true feelings with you.

As I have said, I’m still a work in progress regarding listening. So this month, while I golf with others that I have met for the first time, I’m trying to do a better job of learning who they are and listening to what they say. I have to admit, it’s a skill that I have to work at, but it has been very rewarding. By the way, my golf score has been usually better when I practice listening.

In marriages, good communication is a team effort because it takes both parties to make it work. We have to work together to get the message across. The ability to communicate does not come naturally. We learn from one another and we lovingly help one another.

Couples often mistakenly believe that because they love one another, they know every detail of how the other feels about something. This is fantasy. All human beings are unique; therefore, they’re different from one another. Even the closest, most loving couples differ on issues. It’s important to communicate and explain ourselves to one another, and this is when we should really be listening.

We tend to think that communication will get better with time, but that’s not always true. Once we get used to one another, we take off our “good behavior” masks and tend to “get real”. Here is where we really have to communicate with each other to make sure we hear one another out. Again, it’s a very important time to be listening.

Now, I have a question for you? Have you decided whether you’re a good talker or a good listener? You may want to ask a good friend whether you’re a good listener or not. I believe all of us at times can be a little too preoccupied with ourselves, so it’s a good habit to test our listening skills. 

Here is a little homework if you’re serious about being a better listener:

Whether you’re talking to a casual friend or new acquaintance, be prepared to ask questions that will help you learn about the other person. Asking questions about their vocation, their family, or their hobbies is a great place to get started. If it’s someone in your life that you care about, then you may want to be more serious. For example, ask yourself: “When we’re together, what can I do to improve our communication or our relationship?” Then take time to explore your options.

Wow! That should get you started! If we do, then you and I will be more interesting to be around because we’ll be more interested in others.

Until next month, 

Love, Grandpa